If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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