No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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