i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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