If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
