he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
