I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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