Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
