How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
