Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
