My friends, they love my intelligence
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
