Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
