Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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