Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
