These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
