All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
