Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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