spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
