sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
