Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
