drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
