i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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