just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
