my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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