Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
