I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
