am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
