I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
