The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
