When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
