to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
