my mouth tastes like poor choices
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
