I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
