im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
