you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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