make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
