sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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