Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
