Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
