Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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