I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is Oprah even human
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
