Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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