today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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