I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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