I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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