one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
