my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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