i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
