Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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