Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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