you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
