Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
