My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
