she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
