Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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