my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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