need another drink. this is the easiest way
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
