i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
