last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
