So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
