My brain says no but my pants say off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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