Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
