In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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