Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
