Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
