I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
