Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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