Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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