Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
