my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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