Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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