we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
