Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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